“Chocolate Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks” by Lisa Lampanelli

http://www.insultcomic.com

WARNING: If you get easily offended and/or cannot take a joke, DO NOT read, hear, or see anything by Lisa Lampanelli.

But if you have a great sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously, watch her stand-up and read her book, “Chocolate Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks.” Lampanelli, the reigning “Queen of Mean” holds nothing back when it comes to her scandalous, politically incorrect humor. Her favorite topics are fat people, black men, and promiscuous sex, and that’s all that I was expecting from this raunchy novel. Yes, you will read lots about her interracial sexcapades and gluttony, but this book also goes much deeper than that.

Chocolate Please shows a softer side of Lisa. She tells about her rise to fame as an insult comedienne and the struggles that the fame brought along with it. You will learn about Lisa’s multiple stints in rehab (but not for drugs or alcohol—Lisa doesn’t drink) her childhood trauma of always feeling second-best (along with hilarious stories of her Catholic upbringing) and numerous failed relationships (who knew Lisa used to be married?)

Though Lisa handles difficult issues in this memoir autobiography, she always does so with a wonderful sense of humor and sarcastic style. I would highly recommend Chocolate Please to anyone who wants to get a much better insight into the life of this completely inappropriate comedic genius, as well as a face full of tears from laughter.

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“The Last Song” by Nicholas Sparks

http://www.nicholassparks.com

Two reasons why I was first against reading Nicholas Spark’s The Last Song (and why I ultimately realized I should’ve read it weeks ago.)

#1: Ok, I’m probably going to lose a few fans from this comment, but I have to put it out there: I hate the movie, The Notebook. I hate it, I really do .  It’s just too sappy and unrealistic for my likings. I’m convinced that no guy is ever going to run up to me in the middle of a rain storm, scoop me up into his arms and profess his undying love for me.  It ain’t gonna happen in this lifetime. So I was a little unfairly biased to Nicholas Sparks and figured his other stories would strike me the same way.

#2: I’m not exactly the biggest Miley Cyrus fan. If I were fourteen I’d probably think she was the coolest girl ever, but the Spice Girls are more my generation. Knowing that Miley was the starring role in the movie version of The Last Song made me assume that the book would be an overly-dramatic saga full of teenage angst and heartbreak. Well I was right about the heartbreak part, but very wrong about everything else.

The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks is one of the best books I’ve read this summer. It was nothing I thought it was, and everything I thought it wasn’t. The story follows Ronnie, a rebellious 17-year old living in New York City, who is sent, against her will, to spend the summer in small-town North Carolina with her estranged father. Ronnie tries all she can to get out of coming to North Carolina and refuses to give her dad, the town, or the people around her a chance. Ronnie is just about to head back to New York City when a freak accident bumps her into Will, a gorgeous, athletic all-American boy—exactly the opposite of her usual bad-boy “type.” As the summer goes on, Ronnie and Will fall deeper and deeper in love, until deep-south culture and secrets from the past tear them apart.

What really made me love The Last Song was not the connection between Ronnie and Will, but Ronnie and her father. To watch them grow and develop their relationship was delightful, heartwarming, and heart-wrenching all at the same time.

I can’t say much more than this without giving away the ending and spoiling the entire book. But I will warn you: it’s a major tear-jerker. I bawled when I read it, and not just a few tears, literal sobbing. But if you want to read a wonderful story about teenage heartbreak and love, I would highly recommend The Last Song. Nicholas Sparks has just gained a new number one fan.